since my first trip to india..
my first touchdown..in the early '70's -
i wanted to make my home in mother india...
at first for ever and always..
then, realistically.. six months of every year..
every pilgrimage the desire grew stronger..
the longing kept feeding itself..
occupying much of my daydreams..
occupying my present with future..
when i reached delhi..
in one blink of an eyelash..
as my feet touched the earth..
though i kept it alive
when i spoke with friends
while traveling this time..
i knew, i knew ..from the depths..
this would not ever be..
the hawk of insight
with one broad arc and swoop of tail feathers
dashed the trance in a heart beat..
in a breath..
this spell lay broken at my feet..
all the craziness,
all the empty plots,
all the ghosts and fears
have now passed -
i must have inhaled