Tuesday, July 31, 2018

gate guardian..nandi.. the bull

it was a day like any other day these days..
hot, hot and more hot..
mila rubie ~ the finest prius in existence ~
and i were traveling up bay view road
heading who knows where..
we reached the crossroads @ farm to market ..
stopped at the sign..
i drew a deep, mindful breath..
onward.. mila invited me..
looking up to turn..

across the road
behind a chain link fence
i catch sight of a mammoth dark figure ambling..
no, limping toward the gate..
what could this massive movement be?
we wondered aloud..

driving forward to the gravel inlet
a bull -
black and lame -
heading straight toward us..

i meet him at the portal..
he is ginormous ..
he is foaming at the mouth
he is covered head to hoof in flies
he is soaking wet
he is seemingly in immense pain

we are face to face
eye to eye
deep in we go
into one another's presence
momentarily transported
beyond form to essence
we wait and watch and see and listen
breathing in..breathing out..
in a spell
a unified field..
the radiant ground of being

behold the one in all things
it is the second that leads you astray.
                          ~ kabir

the flies rise and fall from his angus flesh
breathing with us
in, out..
up, down..

as easily as we fell into one another we fall away..
his left leg is weak and dwarfed in comparison to the right..
he turns away ..
circles a wide berth
hobbling from the entry
from our prayer

witnessing his slow and tortuous path
into a ravine
only his back now
until he finds the road once more
until he is no more

what movie am i in?
what planet am i on?
where am i?
who am i?

the gate - guardian deity of kailasa, 
the abode of shiva. 
a mighty bull who serves 
as the mount to shiva ~

i have met the gate guardian
and he is me..


Friday, July 27, 2018


it's the buck moon..
(according to some..)
is that where mooning comes from..
pulling down our knickers
and exposing a buck naked derriere ?

or is it the raspberry moon?
is that where raspberrying comes from?
the puckering of lips and fluttering
a sound of heaven knows what..!
my olde and dear friend, rainier,
would often raspberry me by putting me on..
offering some piece of wisdom or factoid
that was none of the above..

maybe it's the salmon moon..?
where those deep true
gill-bearing aquatic craniate animals
that lack limbs with digits,
forming a sister group to tunicates,
together configuring olfactores..
those inspiring ones who die for love..
show us how it's done..
~ unconditional love ~

all i know is that the moon was very, very full
this very, very early morning when i hit the trail
- the moon glade upon the water -
guiding my step by step  by step
until it went introvert behind the morning fog bank..

at first light...
in a nearby field
hay rolls presented themselves
ragged in van gogh colours ..
muted dunes of caramel -
looking rather like random ancient rock formations..
perhaps the callanesh standing stones..
or a cattywompus zendo
of haphazard nuns and monks
sitting the morning star awake ..

my second name..
(the first being susan, by my birth mother..)
the name my adopted parents dubbed me
(the extra N keeps my cloaking device activated)
...is after the goddess
of the hunt,
of the moon,
and of nature..

no wonder moons have their way
with me upon fullness  ~

all this is full,
all that is full, 
from fullness, fullness comes..
when fullness is taken from fullness,
fullness still remains..
               ~ upanishads

i am not alone..
the moon in fullness seems to affect our 60 % water human forms ..
the ocean's tides and a swelling earth’s crust cannot help but
wheedle awhile awoo away at our essence..

to be ensconced in reciprocity..
with nature and moon stuff and stoned haystacks
while hunting for the senseless sense in the sensate
makes me loony ..

may i always be ever so ever so grateful ~

note: the third moniker awarded me..
on a bus in turkistan by a whirling dervish
from my traveling dictionary is dunya..
in arabic/turkish meaning world or rather.. worldly..
it was re-arranged and re-tagged and re-spelled
in yugoslavia by an innkeeper in sibenik
as dunja to denote another spherical entity -
a small, fuzzy melon or quince..
still in the shapely orb of moon ~

Saturday, July 21, 2018

all we need is love

only love matters, friend.
all our spiritual knowledge and attainments,
all the drama of the "i know more than you" mind,
all the spiritual posturing of the frightened ego,
just pale in comparison to the simple joy of true connection,
and the peace that comes from knowing that you are
nothing less than a burning sun.

for billions of years, the sun has given us
its awesome power for free.
(can't buy me love!)
think of all the burning it has had to endure
in order to shine so brightly and give us life.
                       jeff foster
                          italics: beatles

all this time
the sun never says to the earth,
"you owe 

what happens
with a love like that,
it lights the 
~ hafiz - the gift

there is nothing to practice.
to know yourself, be yourself.
to be yourself, 
stop imagining yourself to be this or that.
just be.
(let it be!)
let your true nature emerge.
don't disturb your mind with seeking.
                    ~ sri nisargadatta
                      italics: beatles

I dig love
I dig love in the morning
I dig love in the evening
I dig love and I want you to know I dig love

Small love, big love, I don't care
Love's all good love to me
Left love, right love, anywhere love
There's a rare love, come on and get it, it's free

Bought love, short love, in any port
Love's always there to see
Make love, take love, but you should give love
And try to live love, come on that's where you should be

Yes, I want you to know I dig love
To know I dig love
Yes, I do
I dig love 
                     ~ george harrison
                     all things must pass

Saturday, July 7, 2018

switching roles

gray wolf said,
why do we always do everything
in exactly the same way?
raven said,
steady on.
gray wolf said,
maybe we should switch roles sometimes.
somebody else could be the teacher and
you could just be one of the students.
raven said,
it's happening.
          ~ zen master raven
              robert aitken

i am often asked why i do not
offer a teacher training program..
actually, i have..
years, i mean..years ago in los angeles
(when i had no business doing so!)
a one-on-one
teacher training course
with a few practictioners..
they were certified thru my teacher's
yoga shala in delhi..

and actually...
i do have a teacher's training course..
whenever i take off
~ leaving a studio or a class behind ~
another blossoming teacher takes the reins..
this is the very best training!
they are in the present moment
actualizing the practice..
of teaching..
of learning ..
of studying self while studying others..
( is there really a difference?)

when i return,
finding another studio or
generating yet another class..
it begins again..
certified thru
the flying elephant
wing and a prayer
yoga dharma shala
nothing to hang on the wall -
simply an imprint and a blaze
in heart and bone .....

the question also arises as to why
i no longer offer workshoppes and retreats..
does anyone remember
year of the fire tiger?
summer solstice 
full moon
energi mountain
7 days 7 hours a day
! 49 hours !

these days,
it's the quotidian i savor ~
(average, run-of-the-mill, standard, typical, 
middle-of-the-road, workaday, undistinguished, 
commonplace, mundane, prosaic, garden-variety)
a weekly practice ~
with dharma friends ..
together - practicing what is rare to practice..
each session is retreat..
each practice - a workshoppe -
a most stunning and unimaginable way
to be with one another ~

sooner than soon perhaps
i'll be a barista whipping up mantras in the creme -
maybe walking frisky dogs to the metronome of meditation
or polishing electric cars running on OM ~
certainly one day
i'll be mulching my way
back to earthclay
under a shade tree
of jeweled compassion....

gray wolf made one of her rare visits to the circle,
and after a talk by raven she remarked,
the goal of practice seems to be just more practice.
raven bobbed his head, well?
gray wolf hesitated, then asked,
so there's no end to it?
raven hopped down from his perch 
to a little hummock beside gray wolf,
put his beak to her ear,
and murmured,
thank goodness.
                  ~ zen master raven
                        robert aitken

one by one, all is coming..
             sri pattabhi jois