emptying out

once we have tasted far streams, touched the gold,
found some limit beyond the waterfall,
a season changes, and we come back, changed
but safe, quiet, grateful
~ william stafford

i have been studying and practicing
the kalachakra tantra for a dozen years at least..
kalachakra ~ the wheel of time.. the cycles of time..
kalachakra is both the tantric deity in vajrayana buddhism
as well as the philosophies and meditation practices.
it is often said that kalachakra is the most advanced form
of vajrayana practice: it certainly is one of the most complex ..
i can attest to that!
kalachakra revolves around the concept
of time (kāla) and cycles (chakra):
from the cycles of the planets
to the cycles of the breath...
it is the practice of working with the most subtle energies
within one's body on the path of enlightenment..
it is considered the highest yoga tantra...

when i traveled to india this trip,
i was going, in part, to study and receive,
yet again, the initiation of kalachakra..
from my dear spiritual friend and teacher,
the 14th dalai lama of tibet.
this would be his 32nd offering of
the kalachakra and it was taking
place in the holy city of bodhgaya..
this would be my 7th ..
hundreds of thousands of people were
in attendance to receive the teachings
as blessings, as initiates, as students
and lovers of the dharma..

i had been to baseball games, rock concerts
yet i had never been in the presence
of hundreds and hundreds
of thousands of human beings..
most like - minded for the kalachakra is
always offered as a practice of world peace..

there can be no union without separation,
no return without parting.
no belonging is permanent.
to live a creative and truthful life,
it is vital to learn the art of being separate
and the generosity of uniting.
~ john o' donohue

it is a mystery as to how it came about..
how all the teachings flowed through me and out again..
how i was no longer tied to the teachings, the teacher..
how i floated above the crowd with wings of clarity and heat..
how i emptied myself of all concepts and commitments..
how i gave all my vows back to the dust of the world..
how i severed the ropes of discipline and drank liberation..

during those ten days of teachings
i was courting a high fever..
burning up the stale practices that had turned to untruths..
burning up false pretenses and wayward loyalties..
burning up the oaths that were no longer mine to honor..

and so ..
i dropped the ball of kalachakra on a crowd
that i knew would pick it up and run with it..
to the finish line..
the wheel of time is roll - roll - rolling along...
without me...

there comes a time -
when we have to take ourselves seriously and die;
when we have to pull back from the incantations,
rhythms we've moved to thoughtlessly,
disenthrall ourselves,
cleanse ourselves of oratory,
formulas,
choruses,
laments,
static crowding of the wires...

to bestow on ourselves a silence,
a still and holy listening...
in truth we are always like this:
rootless...spacious...empty..
knowing it makes the difference
~ a. g.
edit. djl