bristlecone - elder - young lady

of course, i am an elder..
turning 70 in a few months makes me so..
it is amazing that one body can live this long..
and it is astounding - the age of bristlecone pines...
2036 B.C. !!

what is most astonishing about pinus longaeva
is not the age of any single organism 
but the collective oldness and otherness of its entire community.
no two super-elderly trees look alike, to the point
where they have acquired the characteristics of individuals. *

yesterday at safeway,
gathering blueberries, avocados and bananas..
i stepped into the handicapped line..
shorter than all the rest
and besides, my mind was a muddle
due to malcontentedness
the - this not that - that arises when one is chasing
likes and dislikes..
losses and gains,
praises and blames,
fames and disgraces..
i was indeed handicapped..

waves are the practice of water.
                     ~ suzuki roshi

plus  ~
there was a wee elder..in line..
bedecked in outrageous magenta pants
a sparkling cap on her head..
a long grey bumpy sweater covering her slight frame ~
she had a shopping cart full of cheerios boxes!
the coupon in her hand was held
as precious as a ticket to hamilton..
my curiosity was peaked..

you love cheerios, i said to her blithely..
she turned, sized me up and said:
as long as they are chocolate
and i have a coupon....
they were and she did!

the checker, a colourful gal herself..
with dazzling nail polish and wild glasses
seemed to know the cheerios patron..
who wanted no bag..
just in the cart, please..she requested..
i left the bags in my car..
the purchase complete..
she turned,
gave me a waggish smile
and said..good-bye young lady..
a pleasant good evening to you..

driving through the bustling parking lot,
the magenta pants and the cart of cheerios
making their way along the lane..
minding the cars..slow and steady
where was her car? guessing aloud..
is that it?
nope..that? nope..that one?
she was still walking her cartful of cereal
as i drove away..


later that evening..
i attended a sitting group..
practicing the art of just sitting
- shikantaza -
nothing but precisely sitting 
resting in a state of brightly alert attention
zazen
having arrived early to see if there was anything i might be,
beyond handicapped .. i found a cushion..
sat facing the wall
just sitting

when we have our body and mind in order,
everything else will exist in the right place, 
in the right way.
                 ~ suzuki roshi

the zendo steadily filled up,
practitioners taking their seats..
a skuttle and a scurry showed up to my left..
my cushion was skooched in a flurry of movement
huffing, wriggling, shifting..
the person sat down beside me taking a chair..
much rustling of down jacket, fiddling of posture..

we all settled in for meditation..
all through the 35 minute stillness..
hiccuping..
huck, huck, huck, huck..
not any louder, i might add,
than my rumbling, gurgling stomach
or my unbridled chittering mind..

beyond that..within that..surrounding that...
silence
the ringing of the bell
time for walking meditation
the elegant elder woman did not get up..
keeping to her seat..her silence..
her hiccuping ~

after an illuminationg dharma talk ~
there is no noise.. only spacious silence..
there is far more water than fish 
in the great ocean of silence
go for silence..
leave the fish 
to flourish
flounder 
fly by

~ she reached out to me..
i feel i know you -
what is your name?
we shared a hello
i am thinking how pretty you are, young lady..
i answered, timid-like..
o my o..
it must be the scarf...
and kissed her a' top the head..

when you try to make your own way,
you will help others
and 
you will be helped by others.
              ~ suzuki roshi

i was healed.. just like that..
snap!
medicine..
i'll say it again..
we are the medicine
young lady, elder, bristlecone
seeing things as they are
observing things as they are
letting everything go as it goes


in a mirror, the large, the small, the beautiful, and the ugly are all reflected equally. 
nothing is splendid or poor or luxurious or impoverished; 
it is all equal. this is the wisdom of equal reflection. 
in the mirror, a rich person, a poor person, 
an educated person, and an uneducated person 
are exactly the same. 
to see all equally, as a mirror, with that clear state of mind, 
is called the mysterious perception of all things as equal.
                                     ~ shodo harada roshi

*the bristlecones speak
alex ross
the new yorker
january 20, 2020