good grief!

o so many friends..
friends of friends..
family friends are
making the transition
moving across the threshold
some whisked away
by disease
olde age
some making choices
to say sayonara
and free themselves
of body, speech and mind..

as hafiz says so graciously -
death is a favor to us
reminding us of our mid-air flight
from vessel to wine glass to..clay..

those of us..
left behind in bones
and flesh
and heartache
reel from the news

let go..
~ our only instruction
at the time of our birth ~
let go..
of the umbilical cord..
let go..
of the wee fisted palm
let go..
of our bladders and bowels..
let go..
of the milky breast
on and on...
letting go -

until we let go of the very shape
and bone and heartbeat and memory
that we have called home for..
how many years?

clearing out my mama's closet
one morning after her death i found
the black cordory jumper she loved to wear
for fine dinners and outings ..
i drew in the fragrance of her..
and found myself slipping the
open arms around my neck.
- it embraced me like the cape
of some action figure..
i wore it all day..
this tender cloak of my mother -
witnessed by a bemused neighbor
as i emptied the recycling outside..
it was dusk when i realized
i had been en-wrapped in her all day..

i step out of her essence
let go
place it on the pile for soroptimist

AND
 that same day..

making applesauce
peeling, coring, cutting
my fingers working
fleeting fast
much quicker than my mama's moved
toward the end of her sauce days
knowing the slowing
will come to my own fingertips
i stop
find my age
this moment
let go
and pace myself


grief..good grief..
these recollections
birdwings rumi calls them..

your grief for what you've lost lifts a mirror
up to where you are bravely working.

expecting the worse, you look and instead,
here's the joyful face you've been wanting to see.

your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
if it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.

your deepest presence is in every small contracting 
                                                                    and expanding,
the two beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.