the journey of a promise

i've never made promises lightly
and there have been some that i've broken..
                       ~sting

one day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
‘mend my life!’
each voice cried.
but you didn’t stop.
you knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
it was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
but little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognised as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.
                        the journey - mary oliver


the integrity of a promise
is the journey of a promise..
and that integrity waxes and wanes
as the moon lights and darkens our nights..
in its authentic moment it matures ~
in its letting go, too..

the promises i've made, kept and separated myself from
were very different when i was younger ..
callow, fast-moving, raw...
not untrue yet perhaps unsustainable..
maybe even insubstantial..

as my understanding of living & loving
grew with experience and practice..
so indeed my heartfelt promises
began to carry the weight,
the grace,
the light of integrity..
each one more sincere..
joyful.. really..
profound and equal to the task..

yet along with this ripening,
the willingness to live an untruth
grew boisterous ..bold..
unable to deceive..first of all, myself..
than, of course, another..
a true promise might slip into its own demise..
clinging to the old & moldy..

the genuine moment..the promise.. had retreated.
taken a vacation..a voyage away from its true self..
wise it seems to open the hand .. open the door..
liberate the promise ..
like a kiss whispered on the ring of the palm..
freeing each heart from attachment and grasp..

the veritable promise with its staying power..
an eagerness to re-work, re-word and claim once more
one moment more..
holding none beholden nor bound
fresh, fleeting ~
the odyssey and adventure of yes! again ..

as much as i adore a promise..
i adore the letting go..
'tis the core of spiritual practice..


your grief for what you’ve lost lifts a mirror
up to where you’re bravely working.

expecting the worst, you look, and instead,
here’s the joyful face you’ve been wanting to see.

your hand opens and closes and opens and closes.
if it were always a fist or always stretched open,
you would be paralyzed.

your deepest presence is in every small contracting
and expanding,
the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated
as birdwings.
                           ~ rumi


please ..believe me when i tell you..
you can count on me..
moment by moment...
do you feel the big air in this promise?
large enough to hold us - large enough to let us go..